


In The Absence of Courage

by codeword



Category: Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: English narration with Tagalog dialogue, Gen, M/M, Ruscangst, Ruscoven friendship/brotherhood, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, eventual Gresca, huhu ano pa ba
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-08 11:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5496023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codeword/pseuds/codeword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eduardo Rusca struggles to keep moving forward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bagong Simula

**Author's Note:**

> Explores the lives of Rusca and Joven (but mostly Rusca) after the death of Heneral Luna, Koronel Roman, and Komandante and Kapitan Bernal.
> 
> Isang eksperimental na kwento na naglalayong ipakita ang pagpapatuloy ng buhay ni Eduardo Rusca.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue.

It's been three weeks since the worst day of Eduardo Rusca's life. Two weeks since he was released from prison upon orders from General Alejandrino. 12 days since he started serving under Alejandrino's troop as a captain. Technically he's not back as a soldier yet, he still has some recovering to do after the beating he took from the Kawit soldiers, but Alejandrino wanted him in the camp with them and assured him a position as a captain as soon as he was able. Honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to keep fighting in the first place, but since he didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life (if you could call it that) nowadays... here he is. He keeps himself busy by keeping Joven company. He was surprised to find the boy here in camp, though he probably shouldn't have been.

Rusca tries to fill his days by rallying the troops, doing chores around camp, rebuilding his strength, and having long conversations with Joven, mostly just to keep his mind from going idle and flashing back to what happened that fateful day in Cabanatuan. Often, it feels like it takes all of his strength just to get out of his hut in the morning and drag himself around the camp throughout the day, but sleep just wasn't an option lately and it feels like it wouldn't be anytime soon.

\---

"Kapitan! Magandang umaga po!"

"Magandang umaga, Joven. Nag-almusal ka na ba?" Rusca was tired. So tired. Joven looked tired too, more weary than a boy his age should look. This was their life now, this was how it was going to be everyday. What a terrifying thought.

"Hindi pa ho, sabay na ho tayo." Joven looked at Rusca with concern in his eyes. Seems like everyone here has been looking at him the same way since he arrived. Rusca knows they're worried about him, and he knows they have good reason to be, but he wishes they would stop. _Hindi ako karapat-dapat sa pag-aalala ninyo. Hindi pagkatapos kong hayaan ang mga halimaw na 'yun na patayin sila Heneral at Paco nang wala man lang akong ginawa._

Rusca and Joven set about doing the morning chores, then sat down for a simple breakfast of stale bread and bitter coffee. Stale and bitter, perfect for how he was feeling right now.

"Joven," Rusca looked at the young man "Hindi mo ba nais umuwi sa inyo? Mas makabubuti ang kalagayan mo doon, at mas ligtas pa." He has been meaning to bring this up with the boy since he first saw him in camp. He has even discussed it with General Alejandrino, who told him that the boy insisted on staying. Rusca didn't like this idea - didn't like the thought of Joven being in more danger than he needed to be. He didn't want to lose another friend.

"Ayos lang ako dito, Kapitan. Mas nanaisin ko na nandito ako kasama kayo. Isa pa, nais kong ipagpatuloy ang pagsulat sa kwento ng mga kaibigan ni Heneral Luna."

At the mention of his generals' name, Rusca felt his eyes well up with tears. _Nanaman, punyeta._ He sipped his coffee and willed himself to calm down. 

"Joven, alam kong naging malapit ka kay Heneral, ngunit ang laban namin ay hindi mo laban. May maliwanag na kinabukasan na naghihintay sayo, Joven, at hindi mo iyon matatagpuan dito." _Di tulad ko, hanggang dito nalang talaga._

Joven knows Rusca hasn't been himself since the day Heneral Luna and Koronel Paco were killed, especially after they found out that the Bernal brothers have also been assassinated. Neither was he. No one was... but it was Rusca who took it the hardest. He also knows that Rusca cared about him and wanted him safe, but he had a mission here too, and he was not about to back away from it.

"Alam ko ho na hindi ko ito laban, Kapitan. Hindi ako sundalo katulad ninyo dito, at wala akong pagsasanay kahit sa paghawak man lang ng baril, ngunit gusto kong manatili at makatulong sa kahit ano mang paraan na makakaya ko."

Rusca knows deep down that he can't change Joven's mind. He vows to try and keep Joven safe, but he didn't know how well he would be able to do that. _Protektahan siya? Ano, tulad ng pagprotekta ko kila Heneral at Paco? Imposibleng tumagal pa ako hanggang sa dulo ng giyera na 'to. Halos ginagapang ko na nga lang hanggang sa dulo ng isang araw. Paano ko siya poprotektahan?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Sa susunod na chapter na po ang aksyon at drama.


	2. Una

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A skirmish happens and someone gets caught in the line of fire.

There were bullets flying everywhere, the sound of footsteps, screams of pain and encouragement, calls for help, the smell of blood and seared flesh and fresh dirt, the reds and blues and greens and whites in the cover of darkness -- all of these were attacking Rusca's senses as the skirmish continues around him. There was only one thought in his mind: _I could die here. I could die right here._ And it's terrifying how much that thought fills him with a sense of relief and freedom.

\---

The day started out just like any other: chores, exercise, training, chores, orders, training, goofing off, chores... fairly standard. Rusca was in good spirits, finally starting to feel like a human being again after weeks of working on autopilot. Reminiscing with Joven and General Alejandrino helped more than he thought it would.

"Rusca! Alisto ka, may balita na may pulutong ng mga Amerikanong papalapit sa ating kampo. Sabihan mo ang mga kawal na maghanda sila." 

"Opo, Heneral!" Rusca felt a surge of excitement. It's been weeks since he saw any action and frankly, he was itching for it. He quickly gathered his troop and briefed them on the possible situation. Then, he took Joven aside and warned him to stay inside, lie low, and be careful. Be. Careful. Joven must have sensed the urgency in his voice because he quickly agreed, no questions asked. Rusca steeled himself for battle, eager to prove his worthiness in the field once again.

It was nearing midnight when the first shots were heard. Rusca immediately made sure Joven was safely hidden and handed him a spare revolver just in case. He then proceeded to the front lines where the troops were already engaged in battle and General Alejandrino was calling the shots.

"Rusca, siguraduhin mong hindi sila makakapasok sa ating kampo! Maaasahan ba kita?"

"Opo, Heneral! Kami po ang bahala!" Rusca saluted his new general and ran right into the action.

"Pigilan ang kanilang pag-abante! Walang patitinag!" He rallied his troops and fired carefully aimed shots at as many Americans as he could. 

\---

They were getting closer. There were more of them than the general anticipated and their camp was outnumbered, but Rusca was in the zone. He was expertly directing soldiers where and how to attack with a skill he did not know he had. _Kaya ko 'to. Kaya kong gawin ang trabaho ko._

"Rusca, kailangan pa ng karagdagang kawal sa kaliwang hanay!" 

"Narinig niyo ang Heneral! Pito sa inyo, pumunta doon! Kamusta ang mga bala?"

"Marami pa naman po, Kapitan!"

"Magaling, huwag sayangin yan! Asintahin ng mabuti!" As soon as he said those words, Rusca felt a tightening in his chest. _Heneral..._ He shook it off and took a few deep breaths to steady himself. He can't lose focus now, not here, not when he's been doing so well.

He wasted no time getting back into the heat of things, but he knew his focus was already compromised. The squelching of his boots against the blood-stained ground did not help matters one bit. _Kumalma ka, Ed. Kumalma ka. Matagal mo nang ginagawa 'to, wala kang dahilan para matakot._

They were making progress, more and more enemy soldiers were falling and so far one has yet to set foot inside their camp grounds. Rusca kept directing his men, shooting when he had to, and dodging bullets left and right. He can hear General Alejandrino barking orders from the other side of the camp, with his aides also doing their part in the battle. He was starting to feel tired, his legs starting to feel like lead...

"Ano nang nangyayari?!"

Rusca turned at the sound of those words and saw Koronel Paco, right there in the trenches, getting shot right in the head and dying on the spot. _Hindi! Hindi pwede! Umayos ka, Rusca, umayos ka!_ He could hear his heart beating in his ears, his breathing was quickening, vision dimming. He looked around and all the bodies on the ground seemed to melt into one, the sounds turning into static in his ears. He felt the familiar darkness pulling him in. _Wala kang kwenta. Hindi mo sila kayang protektahan. Ikaw ang pumatay sa kanila, Eduardo Rusca, ikaw!_

"Kapitan!" He snapped back and saw a group of his soldiers struggling with an oncoming troop.

"Guerrero, puntahan mo si Joven sa loob! Siguraduhin mong ayos ang kalagayan niya!" He knew what he had to do, but first he had to make sure Joven was taken care of, and lieutenant Guerrero was one of the best.

"Masusunod, Kapitan!"

He took his position among the soldiers and steadied his gun. One bullet. He knew one bullet was all it would take.

He saw an American soldier take aim at one of the men fighting beside him. _Valencia. Kawal. Labing-siyam na taong gulang._ He swears he could feel a heavy weight lift off of him as he did what he felt and hoped would be the last thing he would ever do.

"Valencia! Alisto!" He timed this right, he knew he did. He pushed himself in front of the soldier just in time for a bullet to hit him right in the chest. For a few moments all he could think about was how much it hurt. He vaguely heard a commotion happening around him, before his rising panic drowned out all other sounds. _Anong ginawa ko? H-hindi pa ako handa mamatay! Kailangan ko pa lumaban! Wag muna, Panginoon, patawad po hindi ko pa po gustong mawala..._

"Dalhin... Cruz Roja... Isabel..." Rusca was drifting away and he knew it. He could hear broken fragments of conversation and faintly wondered if the Americans have infiltrated the camp. His last thought before he fully lost consciousness was of General Alejandrino, and how disappointed he must be.

\---

It hurts to breathe. That was the first thing Rusca noticed as he opened his eyes. He blinked sluggishly and tried to lift himself out of bed when a hand reached out to gently push him back. _Masakit. M-masakit? ...buhay pa ako? Anong nangyari?_ Worry immediately flooded him as he remembered the attack from the night before. His chest started tightening again and he felt his eyes watering as he struggled to calm himself down.

"Kapitan, hinga lang. Hinga lang, ayos lang ang lahat." A soothing voice helped calm his nerves and Rusca was able to get a hold of his breathing. He knew who this was, knew where he was all of a sudden.

"Binibining Isabel..." 

"Magpahinga ka lang, Kapitan. Andito si Heneral Alejandrino upang kausapin ka."

He opened his eyes and saw General Alejandrino kindly smiling down at him.

"Isang kabayanihan ang iyong ipinakita, Kapitan Rusca." _Hindi kabayanihan iyon, Heneral. Kung alam mo lang._

"Kamusta po ang kampo? Si Joven?"

"Maayos ang lahat, Rusca, huwag kang mag-alala. Umatras din ang mga kalaban. Tila lalo pang naging mas pursigidong lumaban ang mga kawal mo matapos kang mabaril, lalong lalo na ang kawal na sinagip mo. At walang masamang nangyari kay Joven liban nalang sa halos himatayin na siya sa pag-aalala sayo." Alejandrino chuckled softly. Rusca welcomed the rush of relief that came with the news that everything was alright. 

"Mabuti naman po, Heneral."

"Mabuti talaga. Ngayon, ang sabi sa Cruz Roja ay mga ilang araw ka dapat magpahinga, kaya ayokong makita kang pagala-gala sa kampo ha? Sasamahan ka naman ni Joven, kagabi ka pa niya gustong makausap. Sige, magpahinga ka na ulit, maya-maya ay papasok na iyon dito."

"Opo, Heneral, salamat po."

"At Rusca?" Alejandrino looked at him pointedly.

"Po?"

"Sa susunod... mag ingat ka ha?" And with that, Rusca was left alone with his thoughts once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Sana po ay nagustuhan ninyo.

**Author's Note:**

> :)


End file.
